Last week I watched the documentary about Toni Morrison which I somehow missed when it came out in 2019.

Toni has been my writing hero for decades. She is without a doubt one of the most important writers of our times.

As I watched, mesmerized by her words, suddenly I sat up as if someone had slapped me. I actually heard Toni Morrison, Writer God, say that she didn’t feel like a real writer until her third novel, Song of Solomon was a commercial success.

Before that, Toni Morrison called herself a teacher and an editor, but not a writer. Toni Morrison.

About the same time, I started reading Shonda Rhimes’ book Year of Yes for a book club started by Natalie Serber. Since I’ve only watched a few of Shondaland’s productions (Let me admit I hate Bridgerton), I was unprepared for her voice in this book. I’m more team Toni Morrison and less Grey’s Anatomy.

Even so, the premise of the book intrigued me. Who could argue with the value of saying yes to the things that enrich your life?

There was one chapter in particular that resonated with me. Shonda writes about attending an event for women who were influential in the entertainment industry. All powerful women, including herself. Yet, as the woman’s achievements were detailed, Shonda says that each one of them did one of three things: shook her head and looked away or ducked her head or laughed. Instead of sitting up proud of what they had accomplished.

All those women saying No to who they were. It’s what we women have been taught to do.

When I read those words I thought of Toni Morrison responding to her interviewer. And I thought about myself.

in 2011 I attended my first writing retreat in Abiquiu, New Mexico, the land of another famous woman artist, Georgia O’Keefe. Like Shonda Rhimes, I was nervous about attending such an event with other women who I perceived as being better than me, more accomplished than me. Chatting with one of those women (who became a close friend), I said these words: “I’m not a real writer.”

Yes, I did. Even though six months before going to that retreat I had published a poetry chapbook. Even though seven of the poems in that chapbook had been published in literary journals. Even though I had been writing and studying and writing poetry for over thirty years.

I’m no Toni Morrison or Shonda Rhimes but I am a writer. So I’m putting the cover of my first book with theirs. I like to believe they’d approve. Because like them, I needed to learn to say yes to my own voice as a writer, to stop saying I can’t because I’m a woman.

Thank you Toni for showing me what words can do. Thank you Shonda for showing me how important my own yes is.

So tell me, is there someone who showed you the to saying yes?

Why Do We Say No to Our True Selves?

Bringing Art to Light